Jenessa Week 20- Working HARD!! And making changes!

Ok...So my thoughts are going to be all over the place this week.
ENJOY!! HAHA!! :-)

This week has been FANTABULOUS! Oh my goodness. We are working hard
and seeing miracles! We had a Missionary Leadership Conference this
week, with President and Sister Craig and it was phenomenal. It was
all on REPENTANCE!! I will have to send you some of my notes from
that. The Spirit was so strong and it was just the boost i needed to
get going in my new area, we are on fire. We have found 8 new
investigators this week and THREE of them came to church.....and are
getting to know the area really quickly. We had our first trade off
this week. I stayed here in the area and Sister Toledo came here,
while my companion went to be with Sister Toledo's companion, Sister
Chambers in their area for 24 hours. It was great! I am learning so
much and growing so much because of these wonderful sisters. :-)

If i wrote you everything that happened this week and how i feel, you
would get a NOVEL....which basically you are getting.....but its still
not all of it!!  I am so happy. I love the work. I love the sisters
that I get to serve with. This week is going to be crazy with three
trade off's but it should be good!!

The thing that brings me sadness is when people dont accept our
beautiful and true message. We were heading to a dinner appointment
and got there about ten minute earlier than we expected so we decided
to do some knocking. We went a little ways down the street and found a
couple sitting out in their driveway. We walked up and started to get
to know them, asking very inspired questions. The woman was very
engaged as we asked her "If it would be important to her to know that
there was a prophet here on the earth today?" She of course said yes.
We then shared the message of the restoration using the pamphlet and
the pictures.. She and her husband seemed to love everything we had to
share and there is NO WAY that you could not feel the spirit. It was
so strong, but when we offerred the Book of Mormon, it was rejected.
Despite all that we know she felt, she would not accept it. There was
nothing we could say that would convince her otherwise. My heart sunk
when she said "No" and my heart just broke for her and her husband. I
just felt in my heart that they could find even more joy than they now
experienced if only they would just say "Yes." We walked away with
heavy hearts, but also feeling the confirmation from the Spirit that
we had done everything that we had been sent to do. We had given her
the opportunity to accept, asking questions as the spirit directed,
and sharing the joyous message of the gospel!

We have had some amazing experiences here in the Hendricks area
already, and I am sure there are more to come. During this past week
and a half, I have come to a few conlusions that I would like to share
with you.

First off, know that i have been majorly "depressed" because I got on
the scale and was at 171lbs.....I came out here in October last year
at 155lbs. Yup...I've gained quite a bit of weight, but that will no
longer be happening anymore. Satan is going to have nor more power
over me and what goes into my body. I have been studying the word of
wisdom and really praying hard to know "what my problem is" and how i
can overcome this, what seems like an, addiction I have to food and
this desire to always be eating, especially when  I am stressed. I
have been praying also to know if The Lord trusts me, cause for some
reason being called as a Sister Training leader wasn't enough of a
"duh, I trust you."...but whatev.

So about the weight thing. I am now down to 168.8 :-) I have cut out
sugar, dairy, gluten, and I am eating as raw as possible! ....as well
as eating HALF of what i have been eating in the past. Sugar only
comes in, if I just absolutely can't say no to members. Some members
have been ok with me bypassing dessert, but some I feel i would hurt
their feelings, especially if they make or buy me a speicific Gluten
Free dessert....then I feel obligated to eat it, but I eat only a
small portion and ask if i can take it home and enjoy it later.....I
HAVE A LOT OF CUPCAKES frozen in the freezer right now. I will
probably pull it out and indulge one a week or something, which i feel
is alright...but for now they can stay there and they will stay good
for a while. I am also avoiding dairy as much as possible. I dont eat
it while I am at home and only eat it at a members home if it is
absolutely unavoidable. People like to put  cheese on EVERYTHING out
here...haha!! So that is what i have been doing and i have already
dropped a couple pounds and have been sleeping sooooo great! I LOVE
IT!!

I have been following this now for about 5 days....with ease....and
its all because of The Lord!!! I could not be doing this on my own! I
was really struggling up to that point, for some reason as much as i
have tried it in the past, it was not working. My emotional and mental
state would just overrule what I wanted to do physically. I was laying
in bed at the end of last p-day and all of a sudden it hit me, out of
nowhere. I realized why I eat and continue to keep on weight. First
off, I was told by The Lord that i am NOT an emotional eater and i
need to stop telling myself that i am. DUH..haha! Remember the whole,
what you think is what you get (or are)...haha! THEN.... here's where
it gets awesome (FROM MY JOURNAL)....."throughout my life, I have
never been or felt "skinny" or came to a point (accept a bit right
before my mission...this second time) where i would feel comfortable
and confident in my own skin.
I hated -HATE- having extra weight. Its not healthy, for one, I dont
feel as confident, my cloths dont fit like I want them too....etc. But
i seem to hold onto it, despite all these feelings. I have "chalked"
it up to maybe having a thyroid issue like my mom or something
medically related fora  while now... but a few days ago I realized
that was NOT the case. [The Lord reassured me that i was perfectly
healthy.]

I was lying in bed one night and all of a sudden starting thinking
about when I was growing up I would see many girls thinner and
"prettier" then me-- who got all the attention, seemed to have all the
confidence in the world, and could accomplish anything-- and I felt
like they were "STUCK UP." Understand, this is not the case with all
skinny people,  and NOT what i think about skinny people....my best
friend Rachel Turnbow is very pettite--There are many many people who
do NOT fit into this sterio type that i have created in my head... Its
mostly just from high school stupid stuff. haha!

I guess I began to associate being thiin with being "stuck up" and
prideful and that is something that i dont EVER want people to think
about me. So, a part, if not all my weight issue stems from not
wanting to become those girls wo never treated me right or even
others, who only seemed to care about themselves and attracted men
that I have decided I dont want attracted to me. So...its a "safety
net" of sorts. I hold onto weight to keep that from happening. Kinda
dumb right? Thats what I thought too... I thought it was incredibly
stupid, because I dont think of thin and fit people in that light at
all!!!....its a dumb subconsious thing that The Lord has helped me to
see and now I can work to overcome and not beat myself up over things
that aren't the actual problem. Does that makes sense? Probably not,
but it works for me. Keep reading.... it gets a bit less confusing...
:-)

I have  felt the hand of The Lord in my life as i have been able to
turn to the Word of Wisdom. I truly have felt immediate blessing of
spiritual and physical strength. I love it!! GO READ THE WORD OF
WISDOM...it is far more than things that you "should not" do. Read the
blessing that come from following it.....they are incredible and
something I so desperately desire! You can find it in Doctrine and
Covenants Section 89  :-)

Another conclusion I came to this week (basically since I got to
Hendricks) was that The Lord really does answer ALL of my prayers and
he truly does TRUST ME!

I was sitting with a sister we are over and she was struggling and she
shared with us something very special. During this time while we were
talking to her, she turned to me (even though she was speaking to both
me and my companion) she looked me in the eye and said "The Lord trust
you" and this is why she felt like she could share what she did with
us. I had been wondering if The Lord truly trusted me and when she
said that, I felt like it was a direct answer to my prayers as I felt
the Holy Ghost bear witness to me that what she just said came from
God directly to me!! I was so overcome with the Spirit that i began to
cry. It was a little embarrassing, since we were sitting there trying
to comfort this other sister, but I couldn't help myself. It was so
all encompassing! I have had many other prayers specifically answered,
as i SPECIFICALLY PRAY. The Lord truly wants to answer all of our
prayers and help us along our way. We just have to come to him and ask
and not be like Oliver Cowdry as The Lord told him "Behold, you have
not understood, you have supposed that i would give it unto you, when
you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto
you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if
it be right and if it it is right I will cause that your bosom shall
burn within you; therefor, you shall feel that it is right."

We must ask The Lord, specifically for those things that we need,
after and AS we are studying it out in our minds and coming to
conclusions and he will prompt us in the right direction to find those
answers that we seek. I know that this is so important. My
relationship with my Heavenly Father has completely shifted as I have
come to him and asked him specifically for things and make my prayers
as meaningful as possible. In our missionary leadership training that
we had this week, Sister Craig shared something with us that I think
has also helped my relationship with my Savior and my Heavenly Father
begin to grow this week at a rapid rate, far faster than it has in
long time. She said "When you kneel down to pray, picture yourself
kneeling down at our Heavenly Fathers feet with the Savior right by
your side." Picture them there watching you and listening intently
JUST to you! As you picture them in the room with you, you will feel
closer to them! I know that, I have felt that. As I have been
counseling other Sisters this week, I also came to an understanding of
how to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father through
prayers as well. Think about your BEST FRIEND, the person in this
world that you can tell ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to. When you get down
on your knees, if picturing our Heavenly Father and our Savior is
something that is more daunting than comforting at first, then start
by picturing this person sitting in front of you and talk to them,
share your deepest feelings and concerns, your hopes and your dreams,
your joy and your love. As you pour out your heart, like you would to
your best friend.....in your mind.....shift from talking to your best
friend to talking to our Heavenly Father and to the Savior. Its a
beautiful experience and one i have enjoyed immensely!! :-)

These are the major conclusions and wonderful revelations that have
come to me over this past week. I have learned so much and learn more
and more everyday. I am so grateful to be serving The Lord at this
time! I LOVE THE LORD!! :-)

Have a wonderful week!

Love Sister Heckel

P.S If you would like my notes on Repentance from our Missionary
Leadership Conference.....ask my momma :-)